You Need A Community

Then he chose twelve of them to be his apostles, so they could be with him.”  Mark 3:14

If I were to ask you to complete this sentence, “If you want a job done right . . .” you would probably finish it with this: “. . . do it yourself.” But that’s the motto of a perfectionist headed for burnout because you can’t do every job by yourself.

Jesus was human, just like us. And instead of trying to do everything alone, he intentionally shared his life and ministry with others.

Do you know the first thing Jesus did when he started his ministry? He formed a small group. Mark 3:14 says, “Then he chose twelve of them to be his apostles, so they could be with him”. Before he began his public ministry, Jesus gathered a small group because he knew his Father intended for him to do ministry and walk through his hardest days with friends by his side.

If anybody had a right to say, “If you want a job done right, do it yourself,” it was Jesus. He had the power to do anything, yet even he knew the power of having a small group for support.

When he went to the Garden of Gethsemane, just before the cross, Jesus said to his disciples in Matthew 26:38, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me”. Even Jesus invited others to pray with him. Even Jesus chose to lean on the support of a small group when he was in a crisis.

So much of our stress is self-imposed. We get uptight when we think it all depends on us but it doesn’t. God hasn’t called you to be the general manager of the universe, let alone expect you to be able to manage your own life by yourself. You need his direction and strength, and you need people around you to walk through life together.

We often don’t accept help from other people because of our insecurity and pride, and so we stay stressed out. But there are people of faith who are willing to help and support you—and people who need your help and support.

Humble yourself and admit that you can’t do it on your own. And you don’t have to! God made the church to walk with you in good times and help you in stressful times. And he will lead you to the people you need if you’ll just let your guard down and trust him to provide.

The Power Of Being Selective

Someone may say, ‘I’m allowed to do anything,’ but not everything is helpful. I’m allowed to do anything, but not everything encourages growth.”  1 Corinthians 10:23

The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to be selective. There will always be a lot of options and opportunities. But the key to effectiveness is being selective.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:23, “Someone may say, ‘I’m allowed to do anything,’ but not everything is helpful. I’m allowed to do anything, but not everything encourages growth”.

In other words, some things aren’t necessarily wrong they’re just not necessary. Once you figure that out, you’ll be better equipped to withstand the hard times in life. And withstanding hard times will make you resilient!

When you focus on the direction God is calling you to go, you’re less likely to get distracted by things that aren’t as important. You set priorities that have an eternal focus. You realize what matters most in life, and you choose not just good things but the best things.

Jesus was a master of concentration, meaning he lived a selective life. This allowed him to live for God’s kingdom and do what pleased his Father. 

The Living Bible paraphrase says, “As the time drew near for his return to heaven, [Jesus] moved steadily onward toward Jerusalem with an iron will” (Luke 9:51).

He modeled an iron will and fulfilled his purpose—even though he knew it would lead to his death. His focus helped him endure the pain and stress and persecution. Paul was the same way. He said, “This one thing I do”(Philippians 3:13), not “these 40 things I dabble in.” He did one thingwith his life the most important thing. 

You have incredible potential to be used by God, but the barrier is often that you haven’t settled what’s most important. If you think you don’t have time to serve God, then you’re not focused. If you spend more time on social media than you do getting to know God, then you’re not focused. If you have to do something else before you follow Jesus, then you are not focused.

The Living Bible paraphrase makes it clear: “Anyone who lets himself be distracted from the work I plan for him is not fit for the Kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62).

One day you’re going to stand before God. How will you answer him when he asks what you did with what you were given?

Stop Trying To Please Everyone

“I am not trying to do what I want, but only what he who sent me wants.”  John 5:30

What motivates you to get up in the morning? To go to work? To study hard? To serve and give and love others? To keep going when life gets stressful?

If you don’t want to fight stress all the time, you need to know your deepest motivation.

Why? Because mixed motivations will leave you feeling pulled in different directions. Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters” (Luke 16:13).

Even God can’t please everybody. When somebody’s praying for it to rain, someone else is praying for it to be sunny. As a pastor for over 40 years, I knew that I was always disappointing somebody, because people often have different expectations. I can’t please everyone, and neither can you.

The Bible says the fear of man is a trap. It will capture your heart and mind and cause you to stumble. That’s why Jesus said in John 5:30, “I am not trying to do what I want, but only what he who sent me wants”. Jesus knew who he was trying to please.       

If you’re not trying to please God, then in all likelihood, you’re trying to please a bunch of other people. It’s a lot easier and less stressful to decide you’re going to please God because whatever you do that pleases him will always be the right thing. This is why Jesus was so resilient under stress. He only tried to please one person.

Whose approval are you depending on for your happiness? Who are you still trying to please? For some, it’s a parent who never showed approval or encouragement. For others, it may be a boss who’s impossible to please, no matter how hard you try.

But you are not a victim. You are as free as you choose to be. Nobody can pressure you into meeting their expectations without your permission.

When you live for an audience of one, you won’t be controlled by the fear of rejection. Instead, you’ll be motivated by love and free to be the person God made you to be.

Only God’s Opinion Matters

You are the light of the world like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.” Matthew 5:14

If you’re not sure who you really are, then you can be manipulated and molded by the pressures, problems, and people around you and that leads to stress!

Our culture is constantly trying to fit you into its mold. When you have a confused and unclear identity, when you don’t really know who you are, it makes you more vulnerable to the culture’s influence. Until you settle in your mind that God loves you unconditionally and that you’re a child of his, you’re going to be prone to stress.

Jesus never had any doubts about his identity. In fact, 18 times in Scripture he publicly declared who he was. These are called his “I am” statements: “I am the light of the world” (John 8:12). “I am the Son of God” (John 10:36). “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). “I am the bread of life” (John 6:35). Jesus made it clear that he knew exactly who he was.

In John 8:18, Jesus said, “I testify on my own behalf” . He didn’t need other people to tell him who he was. He didn’t look to others for validation.

When you depend on other people’s opinions for validation, you can’t be resilient to stress. Because if you don’t know who you are, then other people will decide it for you. They’ll force you into a mold, and you’ll get stressed out trying to be someone you’re not. You’ll end up pretending and wearing a mask. It will wear you out!

Jesus knew he was the light of the world. And he also told his followers: “You are the light of the world like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden” (Matthew 5:14). As you follow him, you reflect his light to others. Do you realize how special you are? Not because of what other people say but because of what God says. There’s nobody in the world exactly like you. 

You must accept the truth about you your strengths along with your limitations and weaknesses. God made you with all of those things, and he has given you everything you need to do his will.

When you accept that, you’ll be secure in your identity and a lot less stressed.

The Foundation Of Your Resilience

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1

We are living in stressful times. More than ever, we need to learn resilience so that we can do what God has called us to do. That’s why the first step to being resilient is to remember how much God loves you. That’s the antidote to stress!

Part of fulfilling your purpose is becoming more like Jesus. And Jesus had no doubt in his mind that God the Father loved him. He talked about it over and over in verses like John 10:17, which says, “The Father loves me”.

Knowing and remembering that God has unconditional, extravagant, continuous, and never-ending love for you, just like he has for Jesus, is the foundation of a resilient life. As Paul says, “I am convinced that neither death nor life . . . nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”(Romans 8:38-39). We can be resilient, knowing that we can never be separated from God’s love. 

You may be thinking, “Well, of course God loves Jesus. That’s his Son.” But did you know that Jesus says the same thing about his love for you? In John 15:9-10, Jesus says, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love”.

Understanding how much God loves you is the basis of your resilience. If you are not convinced that God loves you at all times unconditionally and completely then you’re going to be easy prey for the disapproval of other people. You’re going to be a people pleaser. 

But when you are secure in who you are as God’s child when you understand and accept how God feels about you then you can face difficult times with confidence and less stress.

When you need to be reminded of how much God loves you, just look to his Word.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1).

The Antidote To Anxiety

Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Matthew 11:29

Everyone wants to know the antidote to anxiety because we all experience it. We live in stressful times and rest for our bodies and souls seems elusive.

But it’s not a secret: Jesus wants you to worry less and trust him more. He says in Matthew 11:29, “Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls”.

After you come to Jesus and let him share your load, he wants you to learn from him. Why? Because Jesus is never in a hurry. He sets a pace that comes from a gentle and humble heart that is meant to bring life and not weariness. Jesus modeled for us how to live with peace and purpose, and following his example is how we refill our spiritual and emotional tanks. Watch how he lived, and do it the way he did.

Learning to live like Jesus is a process. You won’t learn it overnight because you didn’t develop your overloaded lifestyle overnight. But no matter how long it takes, you can learn to trust him.

You can learn from Jesus how to be gentle and humble. But how is that going to help you? Gentleness and humility don’t seem like the natural cure for being stressed out and tired. Maybe you would expect him to say, “Learn from me, and I’ll teach you how to have endurance and stamina.”

Jesus wants you to learn to be gentle and humble because aggression and arrogance are two of the biggest causes of stress and emptiness in life.

Aggression is when we don’t want to wait for anything, and we over-commit ourselves. It’s the opposite of gentleness.

Arrogance is when we try to control everything. Our ego is responsible for more stress and arrogance in our lives than we realize.

The antidote to the two biggest causes of stress in your life is gentleness and humility. You learn them by reminding yourself every day that you’re not God and you’re not anybody’s savior.

Spend time with Jesus, and you’ll see how gentleness and humility lead to rest.      

Walk In Step With Jesus

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:29-30

Are you feeling overloaded? You may be trying to control things too much. We all do it, sometimes without even realizing it. We subconsciously act as if it all depends on us. We think we have to hold everything together. We think we have to make everything happen.

The greater your need to control things, the more overloaded, stressed, and empty you’re going to feel in life. You need to learn to give up control!

When you come to Jesus because you’re running on empty, your next step of obedience is this: “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:29-30).

When you get fed up, it’s time to give up control.

A yoke is not the middle of an egg (that’s a yolk). It’s the wooden frame you put over two animals so they can pull a piece of farm equipment together. The purpose of a yoke is to lighten the load, not to make it heavier. Sharing a yoke means sharing the load you’re carrying. 

When you already feel like you’re carrying a heavy load, taking on Jesus’ yoke may sound like more of a burden. It’s actually the exact opposite because when you’re not yoked to Jesus, you’re carrying the burden alone, and you might move at a pace that is too fast and throws you into a ditch.

But if you’re yoked to him, he shares the burden of the load with you, keeps your pace exactly where it needs to be, and helps you to say on the right path.

Put simply, a yoke makes the load lighter, and it keeps you from getting in trouble. Galatians 5:25 says, “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit”.

You keep in step with God’s Spirit by being yoked to Jesus partnering with him and letting him set the pace. Jesus was never in a hurry, and you won’t be either when you’re connected to him.

Jesus Can Restore Your Weary Soul

When Jesus says, “Come to me and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28), what kind of rest is he talking about?

Jesus offers a rest for your soul that’s much deeper than physical rest because he knows that the problem you need help with right now is probably not overworked muscles.

When you come to Jesus in your emptiness, what you probably have is an overloaded mind, soul, and spirit. You need rest not just from physical work but from tension, stress, anxiety, hurry, and worry. You need the kind of rest that can’t come from taking a good nap or going on vacation.

Most people have a way to unwind when they’re physically tired that’s different from how they unwind when they’re emotionally and spiritually exhausted. Maybe when you’re tired, you watch a movie or spend time on your phone. Maybe you lie down or walk outside. Maybe you choose to spend time with friends, or maybe it’s better for you to be alone.

Those can all be good things but none of them can restore your soul.

Only God can restore your soul. That’s why, when you have soul emptiness, soul depression, or soul overload, Jesus wants you to come to him.

The Living Bible paraphrase says, “He gives power to the tired and worn out, and strength to the weak” (Isaiah 40:29).

When you’re empty inside, culture says you need to do more. You need to make more money, get more stuff, do more things, travel more places. Go, go, go. More, more, more. But that’s the very reason you’re empty!

Jesus wants you to do the opposite: Don’t go. Come. Come to him and come just as you are.

Your soul will never find rest in anything the world has to offer. That’s because your soul was not created to be filled by anything in this world.

You were made for God, and you only find real rest when you bring your weary soul to him.

God Can Use Everything For Good

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”  Genesis 50:20

Remember the story of Joseph?

His brothers were jealous because he was the favorite son, so they sold him into slavery. He was taken to Egypt, and for the first 40 years of his life, everything went wrong. He worked as a slave, was falsely accused of rape, and was thrown in jail for a crime he didn’t commit, just to name a few.  

For decades, nothing seemed to go right for Joseph—but God put him exactly where he wanted him to be. He knew that Joseph would be raised up to become the second most powerful leader in Egypt, the most powerful nation in the world at that time. And because of that, Joseph was able to save Egypt and Israel from famine.        

Not only did he save two nations from starvation, but he also saved his family the ones who sold him into slavery. When his brothers appeared before him, Joseph could have confronted them and punished them for what they did to him. 

But what was Joseph’s attitude toward his brothers? He treated them with grace, not bitterness. He was able to do that because he saw God’s greater perspective and purpose. He knew God could use even the biggest hurt in his life for good.

Joseph said to his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people” (Genesis 50:20 NLT). God took the terrible sin of Joseph’s brothers and used it to eventually save many people.

There will always be people in your life who have bad intentions, who will resent you, criticize you, and hurt you. There will be times when you are the innocent victim of someone else’s sin. There is no way around it.

You may not understand it but you don’t have to! Like Joseph, maybe you can’t change your circumstances. Or maybe you’re wondering how you’re going to make it through or what God is doing. You can trust that God sees, he cares, and he will bring justice.

God can use everything, good or bad, to accomplish his purposes. His good plan to grow your character and make you more like Jesus will not be changed by other people. What others intend for bad, he will use for good.

How To Grow The Fruit Of The Spirit

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23

God’s purpose behind every change in your life is to make you more like Jesus.

The promise of Romans 8:28 is wonderful: “We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (NLT). But it doesn’t fully make sense until you read the next verse: “For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son” (Romans 8:29).

God doesn’t just want you in his family. He also wants you to develop the family characteristics of a child of God. He wants you to grow spiritually. And your model for maturity is Jesus.

So what is Jesus like? The best picture of Jesus’ character is the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control”.

God produces that kind of fruit in you by putting you in situations that require you to learn and practice those character qualities.

You don’t learn kindness when you’re around nice people; you don’t learn contentment when you have everything you want.

So when God wants to teach you to be more loving, he doesn’t put you around people who are easy to love; he puts you around people who are hard to love people who I call “holy sandpaper.”

Anybody can be happy when everything’s going their way. But God teaches you true joy in the middle of suffering, grief, and heartbreak.           

It’s easy to be at peace when there’s no struggle in your life. When God teaches you peace, he’ll allow chaos and conflict to teach you the peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7).   

How does God teach you patience? By placing you in long lines at the Department of Motor Vehicles or at a delayed doctor appointment. Anytime you have to wait, God is making you more like Jesus. 

Life and change are not always easy, but the big and small ways you’re growing in spiritual maturity will make it worth it.